Simon Cowell is a dick

In many ways, I feel ashamed to have been away from my blog for three weeks only to return now to write about the running joke that is The X Factor, but something has actually stirred deep within me.

For the last few years, even before the X Factor, I have always had respect for Simon Cowell in the way one might respect a deadly predator from the wild - think Black Widow spider or a Venus Flytrap - ruthless yet charming. As I recall, he first graced our screens in Pop Idol, alongside Nicki Chapman, Pete Waterman and Neil 'Dr' Fox [what the hell was he doing there?!]. The best part of the last decade has seen him shattering people's dreams and hopes on prime time television - thereby doing them and the rest of the viewing audience a favour - because, in one way or another, Simon pretty much always made the right call. Whenever Sharon Osbourne's heart melted at yet-another-sob-story-but-pathetic-singing-performance, Simon was there to boot the talentless out and allow us a glimpse of the ugly side of delusion - all those contestants wailing 'They don't know a good thing when they see it! ' 'I'm gonna be the next big thing, despite what the judges say!' yadda, yadda, yadda.

Tonight, however, Simon Cowell has well and truly painted himself as a dick.

For the past few weeks of the current X Factor series, viewers have had to endure the walking and talking (because they cannot sing) of John and Edward, Jedward if you will, possibly the most controversial acts chosen to progress to the live stages. Whilst I marvel at the British public's inane obsession of watching - and enjoying - such car-crash television, I guess somewhere along the line the twins have been entertaining. But Simon has, in all this time, been rather adamant that they do not deserve a place in the show, so you would think he would be only too happy to jump at the chance to have them kicked out of the competition, and leave his fellow judge Louis Walsh with no acts for the rest of the series. Alas, as tonight has proved, you would be thinking wrong.

In the last three weeks we have heard Simon say that, when it comes to the bottom two contestants (those with the least number of public votes), his choice would be made on who's performance was the best as, after all, that is the point of a sing-off. Last week we saw the departure of Rachel who, by far and large, was (and remains) a much better singer and performer than Lloyd, the 16-year-old who could barely open his mouth in last week's showdown. Don't get me wrong, I understand how nerve-wrecking the sing-off can be, but it is obvious to most X Factor viewers who should've gone.

So that leaves us with this week, when Lucy and Jedward were in the final. And Mr Simon 'Dick' Cowell, as he is now so fondly renamed in my head, sent away (arguably) one of the best female singers of this competition - albeit indirectly - for Jedward to come and 'entertain' us once more.

The logic behind it? Well, it does make you wonder.

Presumably, the Jedward franchise is bringing in more votes and public interest than any of the other acts. And by keeping them in the competition, it ensures a stronger singer leaves meaning, ultimately, Simon's acts have a bigger shot at the win.

Finally, with all this constant 'going-to-the-public-vote-because-there-is-a-deadlock' drama, it does beg the question - what is the point of the judges' votes?! Seriously?! No unanimous decisions are ever reached, and if you're continually going to turn to us to make the final call, then why bother with the sing-off in the first place?!

So, all of the above has now left me with no respect for Simon who, in my head, resembles more a weasel or a leech than any other animal.

Let's boycott the X Factor, I saw. Though that'll never happen.

I am off now to contemplate and feel guilty for the fact that I have just blogged about the X Factor, instead of drawing upon the many other issues I could have raised, which have also been playing on my mind in the last few weeks, but will ultimately probably never make an airing on this blog because I am too lazy to actually sit down and formulate a proper argument about them.

Maybe next week I'll treat you to my opinion of FlashForward so far.

First post from BlackBerry!

Ok so as it turns out, apparently I can't get a blogger application for my BB in the UK. But not to worry as I am simply updating using my browser!

Since my last post I have also installed Google Maps app - will never again be lost! The novelty has worn off now though, I don't really tend to stray into unknown areas of London without first planning a route out anyway.

Currently, I am VERY annoyed with Royal Mail because I think they are taking the piss with this postal strike thing. We need our post, people! We also need our rail cards to get a discount for cross-country travel! All I want to do is get away to York for the weekend, but how can I justify forking out £70+ for a train ticket?! I guess you can't put a price on fun...

I have had a really bad week and as much as my optimism wins through most times, I am dreading whatever it is that fate has lined up for me tomorrow. So far this week I have:

- had fraudulent transaction carried out on my debit card

- been served dog-meat in a bun under the pretence of a vegeburger

- spent two hours in the rain killing time before meeting up with someone, only to have to wait another two hours (so that's four in total!) for them to show up

- thrown away my umbrella because it broke, the day before all the aforementioned rain

- lost more blood in the last 24 hours than during the length of any other period of my life [apologies for just sliding that in without any notice, but it's true!]

Not to mention all the countless other little niggles that have been pushing me further and further to the edge in the last few days.

So many parts of my life need sorting out but it's hard now that I'm at work 5 days a week!

On the other hand, I got head hunted for an investment bank. Apparently, it's in my best interest to go to a networking dinner with them. We'll see.

MP Expenses

I'm quite disappointed with myself for going over two weeks without a blog update, I hope it does not happen again in the not-too-distant future. In my defence, I have (supposedly) been revising for finals and working on my essays, although it is true to say I have not done enough work on any of those counts to warrant this prolonged absence.

Anyway, just a brief rant for now, to remind myself I have this blog and to express my disdain at MPs' expenses - what a fucking joke! The government send out TV ads warning 'benefit thieves' that they're going to be caught - and hung, drawn and quartered presumably - for 'cash in hand' jobs, etc etc, when half the government is claiming for mortgages already paid back, carpet cleaning, and duck houses. And the ones under pressure are now 'stepping down due to family commitments'.

I'm fully aware that quite a few MPs have made quite justifiable claims, but then there are those who have tried to defend themselves by maintaining they were 'acting wholly within the rules'. It's just a case of one rule for them and a different one for everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I know every job (arguably) has its perks and I would quite happily walk away with a free guitar from work if I could. But I can't, and I don't, and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't walk away with £27k worth of musical equipment.

Anyway, I don't want to go on too much about it because I'm sure everyone has expressed an opinion on the topic, or at least knows someone who has.

I do hope everyone votes wisely today...(By which I do not mean 'punish the pigs by voting BNP' lol.) And if you don't want to vote - feel free to cast one on my behalf. For the Lib Dems perhaps. Viva Nick Clegg! (& Vince Cable!)

Neighbours

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I will not make a point of blogging about my unhealthy Australian soap obsession, but this just has to be shared. I am unsure if it is as funny to everyone else as it is to those who regularly watch Neighbours, but should you care to indulge in a guilty pleasure of mine, follow the link below to the episode online and scroll to about 16:30 mins:

http://demand.five.tv/Episode.aspx?episodeBaseName=C5138390052

The last 5 minutes of this Neighbours episode are, unintentionally, perhaps the most hillarious in its history. I'll give a brief summary in case you are not up to speed with the story -
Zeke went missing during a school rafting trip. He was in a small rowing boat that got upturned in a strong current, and Libby blames herself for his "death" (it is unconfirmed that he's dead - in fact, he's blatantly alive, but anyway) because she let go of his hand when they were underwater. Anyway, when Rachel (Zeke's sister) finds out, she gets really mad and says Libby can't come to the memorial service. But as you can see, she turns up anyway.

And then proceeds to SING the stupid SONG written by TY, the guy who can only play 6 chords on the guitar and writes embarissingly bad lyrics (e.g. It's Christmas / For you and for me / It's Christmas / For all to see ... ) ... And there is never any mention of Libby singing anyway! But more so than that is just the sheer cheese of this one moment when the singing begins and you're thinking, "Oh, are they playing a backing track of when Rachel sang this song earlier in the series?" and then you see Libby, fiercly standing up as if to say, "Rachel, I'm gonna save you from your perceived embarassment of 'choking' at this memorial service, to make up for not saving your brother from his 'death'!"

In any other situation, it would be pure comedy genius.

Upon reflection, I am inclined to think that, actually, only followers of Neighbours will find this funny. But anyway, I (probably) won't be writing about Neighbours again. Until I believe it to have reached the greatness it once had. Tuesday's episode came one step closer to that dream.