Glastonbury 2011

Now that the dust has settled back onto my wellies for another couple of years, and I have finally managed to finish hydrating myself, let me just say that Glastonbury Festival 2011 was probably one of the best experiences of my life!

To be fair, I had two hopes for this year - 1) that no one would die and 2) that I wouldn't (accidentally) smoke a crack pipe. Neither of those things happened so, just by virtue of their absence, this turned out to be a pretty good week!

Unlike (Glasto and non-Glasto) festivals of previous years, I had no real agenda of bands to watch or things to see. I was quite keen to catch a bit of U2 and Beyonce, and I would've gone to see Coldplay too if I hadn't been on shift, but the music this year didn't appeal to me as it had done before. (Ray Davies are you reading this, please come back for 2013!) In any case, come Friday night I was roaming round the Pyramid stage crowds trying to find my friend before U2 so that I had someone to lean on in my drunken stupor. I seem to recall going to and from the 'cider bus' carrying pints of a delicious hot and spiced refreshing beverage and being positively overjoyed upon seeing a sign that said 'Baby Spice - hot cider + shot of Brandy £4.50'. I couldn't at the time understand why they were calling it Baby Spice, but thinking back, I think the sign had two more Spice Girls' nicknames on it and two other shots of liquor... No, I'm still failing to make the 'Spice Girls + Spiced Cider' connection.

So, due to my inebriation for U2's performance, coupled with the fact that I left about a half hour before their set ended, I cannot possibly provide a critique of their performance. I think, standing in the rain with a belly full of warmth next to my friend on one side and a really hot (Jake Gyllenhaal-lookalike) guy on the other, mixing lyrics up at the tops of our voices, was probably the best way to have spent that Friday night. Without it, I probably would not have been able to get through the mammoth 1am-6am stewarding shift...I spent most of those 5 hours shivering and spotting smokers lighting up in the 'bar' we'd been assigned to, and asking them to leave the comforting cover of the gazebo and please stand outside, since this was a no smoking area, even though it was covered on top, because the sides were open. It was a bit like Minority Report, only I didn't make any arrests - but I did time my walk over to the perpetrators for precisely the right moment when they'd just lit their cigarette and were taking the first drag. That is some mad skillz, right there!

The stewarding was mostly uneventful ... in fact, one of the more entertaining aspects of the shifts was talking to one of the security guys who, as I put it at the time, was probably one of those people who 'hadn't quite evolved with the rest of the human race yet'. A bit harsh, perhaps, but here are some snippets of conversation:

Security Guard 1: Are you religion?
Security Guard 2: ...what?
Security Guard 1: Are you religion?
Security Guard 2: ...I am religious, yes. I am Christian.
Security Guard 1: Oh. Are you religion?
Me: Am I religious? No, not really.
Security Guard 1: What, never?!
Me: Well, my grandma's Catholic, does that count?
Security Guard 1: What type of Catholic? There's different types, ain't there... Catholic... Roman Catholic... Help me out, man!
*silence*

No smoking!

And the classic

Security Guard 1: Where are you from, then?
Me: London
Security Guard 1: Your name though, that's not English.
Me: No, suppose not. I'm from Croatia.
Security Guard 1: Oh. Close to Brazil, innit.
Me: What is?
Security Guard 1: Your place. Costa Rica.
Me: No, Croatia - that's in Europe.
Security Guard 1: Same thing.
*silence*

One does wholeheartedly despair, sometimes.

One did not, however, wholeheartedly despair at Beyonce's performance. She closed off the whole thing on Sunday as the headline act - the first female headliner in 40 years! I find that a little shocking! Starting off strong with Crazy In Love and Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), the crowd were absolutely loving it! Upbeat, fun, firey (very literally, there were a lot of pyrotechnics set up on that stage - at one point the fireworks cleared and there was just a whole heap of smoke rising into the air that I did for a split second think something had caught fire). However, the middle section dragged on a bit, from where she sang Happy Birthday to her friend Steve (who's Steve anyway? What kind of a name is Steve?) and two relatively unknown numbers - Best Thing I Never Had and End Of Time, and the crowd did start getting a bit edgy. If I Were A Boy and Sweet Dreams provided a sort of temporary pacifier, but she lost us again after that and didn't fully command our attention until Irreplaceable and the subsequent Destiny's Child medley. Her performance would only be called 'solid' were she performing to a crowd of Beyonce Knowles fans who had turned out specifically to watch her in concert, but the majority of revelers at the Pyramid stage that night weren't die-hard Beyonce fans, and I think she failed to pick up on that fact, that not everyone would know every line to every song. It was, in essence, what one of my friends called 'over-indulgent in the American sense', and I did have a bit of a chuckle when B pronounced disbelief at playing to a crowd of 170,000 people - 'Er, love, they're not all here to see you, you know, some have gone to Queens of the Stone Age!' I don't think she heard me.

Having said that, maybe next time she's touring I may well be tempted to learn all her lyrics and go watch her down at the O2 because she really does put on a good show...but I'd also expect her to sing a fucking swear word if it's in the song she's performing (/written?!) - or otherwise not do it at all! I've spent an hour trying to work out which of the songs she sang had the word 'motherfucker' in it, because I found it really annoying that she would only say 'mother-----'. You can only go two ways on this really, you either use swear words or you don't. And if you do, then you have to actually sing them! Unless it's pre-watershed - but Glastonbury Festival is definitely a post-watershed type establishment, no wimping out of cursing here please! We are not a Presbyterian parish!

It's taken me two hours to write up this review, and I hardly feel like I've shared anything... which is probably just as well, because the residing motto - as discussed and agreed in the minibus back - of 2011 is: what happens at Glastonbury, stays at Glastonbury.

A Very Glastonbury Experience

I have been reluctant to blog about my Glastonbury 2010 weekend because it was not at all the sort of experience that I expected to have and I'm sure whatever words I use to try and describe it now will not serve it justice.

I caught a couple of minutes of Michael Eavis' speech at the Acoustic Tent on the Saturday and he called Glastonbury Festival a "life-changing experience" for some. At the time it seemed rather poignant; I suppose it still does.

In terms of performances, surprisingly (and disturbingly!?) one of the highlights of my weekend was Snoop Dogg. Though closely followed by Muse and Stevie Wonder, Snoop's performance was the only one during which I felt carefree and fully able to enjoy myself - most of the rest of the weekend, though pleasant, is a complete blur in my mind and it is difficult placing events in order of their occurrence. (With the exception of Ray Davies' set, who I absolutely adore anyway, and who blew me away as expected.) And that is perhaps another reason why it has taken me two weeks to form some sort of coherent rambling; I can't "critically evaluate or assess" any of the acts that I watched because, for the most part, time just elongated itself into one long, hot, messy day and I struggle to pick out the finer details.

Some of you (who haven't yet been bored enough to close this window) might well think my disjointed description of Glastonbury is due to some drug-fuelled binge on my part which has eradicated my memory and fried my brain - and though it is true to say I did indeed lose two hours of my life in circumstances not too dissimilar from that (more on that later) - I am sorry to disappoint, for that would've made for a much more light-hearted story.

In actual fact, on Friday evening one of the twelve volunteers that I had come with (courtesy of the musicians' charity I used to work for) passed away outside his tent. He was a remarkable man of 70-something, a first-time Glastonbury attendee, who was continually expressing his amazement at being in such an incredible environment with so much astounding "stuff" around, and may he rest in peace. Without wanting to dwell on it for too long, suffice it to say that I was genuinely moved by the team's support of one another...we did good. And so did he.

* * *

Moving on to the anecdote promised earlier - I may (or may not) have inadvertently smoked some crack at Glastonbury. (And if it wasn't crack, it was definitely something!)

On the Sunday afternoon I was so excited about seeing Ray Davies. I remember listening to him play last year in the Acoustic Tent and not being able to see a bloody thing 'cos it was so packed and I am not so tall at all! And so this year he came out onto the Pyramid Stage and sang his beautiful songs - Waterloo Sunset being my favourite - and I sipped away at my G&T. At one point, a Random Stranger wandered over and asked, "Could I please have some tobacco for my joint?", and I replied, "Yep, no worries!", and handed him a mess of 'baccy.

Ten minutes later, Ray was nearing the end of his set and I had reached the bottom of my bottle. And so I thought to myself, 'I'll go find Random Stranger and ask for a toke of his joint. One toke won't hurt, what's the worst that could happen?!' And so I did just that, found Random Stranger and asked, "Please could I have a toke of your joint?", and his very kind response was "Yeah of course, it's not got much weed in it though." And I thought, 'Great! Even better! I'll just get a slight woozy, cosy feeling to end my afternoon and Ray's set with!'

So, I took a long drag of his joint, walked back to Zoe, the girl I was stood with - and promptly lost two hours of my life! Ray played three more songs - 'Lola', to which I suitably changed the lyrics to 'Zoe' - and 'Waterloo Sunset' and Days' - during which I continuously kept falling into the people behind us, and apologising profusely and in what I imagine must have been a pretty incoherent manner.

I have no recollection of walking from one place to another, but after Ray's set we randomly bumped into one of the guys on our team - and I refused to talk to him unless he had his sunglasses off. I lolled back on forth on his England flag for a bit, before throwing up - rather conscientiously I thought, into the black 'general waste' bins - about four times, until a lady took pity on me and asked if I wanted a wet wipe. I lost my chain of blue flowers, as well as all memory of walking over to the Other Stage, where we found our Team Leader. At some point during the proceedings I'd left my bag God-knows-where-and-how - but it got returned to me so it can't have got too far...and then I remember being plonked on the floor next to our Team Leader, crying "I've no idea what the hell I'm on - literally! What is this?! I only took one toke...what the hell is this?!"

And then next thing I know it's 8pm and I'm back at the Pyramid Stage watching Faithless and everything's fine!

So, I have learnt the hard way not to take drugs from strangers.

I am hoping my video embedding has worked below. Ray's set, despite what I earlier said about Snoop Dogg, was actually the best hour and half I had that weekend. I hope you enjoy the taster.

Glastonbury Review 2009

Phew, what a mad few weeks! It has been in the forefront of my mind to update this blog, but I haven't had the time. Plus my head has been all over the place, and actually it has been increasingly difficult to commit anything to paper, blog or otherwise, and I am not enjoying being in this weird headspace.

On the other hand, my few days at Glastonbury were bloody brilliant! Working the Oxfam stewarding shifts was less work than I imagined, though it tended to get quite boring quite quickly; often there were too many people doing too few jobs, which just caused more frustration than necessary. Overall, however, I would highly recommend Oxfam stewarding as a means of getting into festivals. A few free meals, decent showers, safe campsite, what's not to love?

As for the Festival itself - well it just blew my mind! Hundreds of thousands of people and about a million things to do and see and notice, it leaves all the senses reeling. Glasto is about so much more than just the music, though the line ups were spectacular. I have to admit to feeling a certain fondness and, dare I say it, respect for Lily Allen who, for so long now, I was very much indifferent to. The girl really does know how to entertain her crowd, and she even had a subtle tribute to Michael Jackson in the form of a single white glove on her hand. I read in the Glastonbury Review that some of her set was mimed... that really did surprise and somewhat upset me, and I wouldn't know the truth of it really.

Other notable acts - Regina Spektor for starters, whose name I have heard bandied about in recent times, but never took a great deal of interest in. She came across as such a lovely creature of music and poetry, her lyrics really tugging at something beyond the mundane, material reality which has been enveloping me far too often lately.

Ray Davies - what a legend! Working his way through The Kinks' back catalogue in the intimcay of the acoustic tent, there was no other way to spend Friday night! (Apart from to go see Neil Young...) It was so packed that in the two hours I did not once manage to catch a glimpse of him! The crowd got restless at times, when he played his 'new' or 'solo' stuff, but we were won over only too quickly with the likes of Waterloo Sunset and Autumn Almanac.

I have never seen so many people in one space as the crowd that gathered for the demigod that is Bruce Springsteen. He played a set that lasted for over two and a half hours! Apparently Michael Evis had to pay a £3000 fine 'cos The Boss went ten minutes over the curfew. I must admit to only knowing about a dozen or so of his songs, but nevertheless his sheer energy and showmanship were enough to keep me entertained. I so would!

Another of my favourite middle-aged men put in an appearance - Mr Tom Jones! He sang all the classics, and we sang them with him! I think even people that 'don't really like' Tom Jones still like him somewhere in their hearts, you can't help but sway along to the likes of It's Not Unusual (let's face it, we all learnt those Carlton [Fresh Prince of Bel-Air] dance moves) and Delilah.

I can't really fail to make a mention of Sunday's headliners, Blur, who despite their prolonged absence from the music scene had a very tight set. I was never much into the whole Brit Pop scene (though I do have a soft spot for Oasis), but I surprised myself with how many Blur songs I already knew. The last decade has made an impression on the boys - Damon no longer embodies the youthful cheekiness I imagine to have propelled him to pin-up status - but they resurrected their sound with vigour and success. I did leave half-way through their performance though, and went to watch the personal (and perhaps slightly embarassing?) highlight of my weekend -

The Black Eyed Peas! I can not describe how amazing they were and how much energy they reflected back to their audience. They spent a good quarter of an hour or more performing a Michael Jackson tribute, full of mixes and remixes of MJ's tracks. (I can't really remember properly now, it has been a couple of weeks...) I don't know why people insist Fergie 'can't sing live', I thought she was great! I don't know if it was just the atmosphere or what, but I genuinely think their songs were made to be performed live. I implore you to go and watch them for yourselves, it will be worth it!

The best thing about Glastonbury is that while you're there, the rest of the outside world feels very remote. It's not that you stop caring, but there just isn't that need to worry about anything. You do what you feel like, there's no set agenda, and everybody else is just as easy-going as you feel. I would highly recommend the Glasto Festival experience to all who don't oppose the idea of camping. With the only potential issues being smelly toilets (though there are those few and far between that are remarkably clean) and mud (BRING WELLIES! I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!), there is no reason why this exeperience should pass anyone by.